Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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