It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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