I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
