she was so not down for the gang bang
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
