p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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