Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
