Plan B is the new Plan A
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
