??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
