she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
