Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
