Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
