Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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