No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
