Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

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(410): View more from Maryland

i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.

(443): View more from Maryland

do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?

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(410): View more from Maryland

why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover

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(208): View more from Idaho

Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

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(541): View more from Oregon

But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.

(210): View more from Texas

Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.

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(303): View more from Colorado

We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’

(303): View more from Colorado

That’s all I’m saying

Fav 0 69 8
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