One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
