Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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