Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
