Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
