Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
