Already got asked if we're dating
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
