btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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