i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
