His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
