I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
