No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
