I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
