you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
