She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
