Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
