Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
