I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
