Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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