No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
