then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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