I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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