singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
