he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
