its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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