Kiss
Puke
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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