Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
