I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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