Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
