Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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