wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
