I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
