I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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