who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
