Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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