i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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