everyone is single if you try hard enough
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
